I 100% agree. I had long believed, even before the current explosion of the transgender community and before it impacted my family, that strict gender roles and stereotypes were the cause of people believing themselves to be transgender. If you tell a little boy “boys don’t cry”, “boys like sports”, “boys don’t want to play with dolls”, “boys don’t like sparkles”, or “boys don’t want to kiss other boys”, boys who don’t feel they can meet all of those criteria might conclude that they aren’t really boys.
I think the dynamic is similar for girls. In an era where “instagram influencer” is considered the definitive look for girls, where every young woman’s appearance is constantly being judged and commented on, where being shallow and appearance-obsessed is the stereotype that teenage girls have to contend with, is it any wonder that some of them decide they just aren’t willing or able to compete in that arena?
These kids internalize warped definitions of man and woman and then hate themselves for not living up to those definitions. When someone offers them a way out, a way in which it isn’t their fault that they don’t measure up to the faulty definitions, these kids will take it to relieve their sense of shame over not being “good enough”.
I think that this is the commonality for trans/NB-ID people, in that gay and lesbian sexuality involves stereotyping of gender as the opposite of their sex. And we know that gays and lesbians don't always conform to the opposite sex's gender roles, either. Flaming gays aren't acting like women, they are acting like queens. And that's where much of the confusion comes in for casual observers.
as a bookish “fag” during my youth, I can understand this for sure! Great essay, Mike.
I wonder if I were a teen now they would have steered me into this nonsense? Maybe not because I grew up in Indiana, but social media is dominant even in red states!
I 100% agree. I had long believed, even before the current explosion of the transgender community and before it impacted my family, that strict gender roles and stereotypes were the cause of people believing themselves to be transgender. If you tell a little boy “boys don’t cry”, “boys like sports”, “boys don’t want to play with dolls”, “boys don’t like sparkles”, or “boys don’t want to kiss other boys”, boys who don’t feel they can meet all of those criteria might conclude that they aren’t really boys.
I think the dynamic is similar for girls. In an era where “instagram influencer” is considered the definitive look for girls, where every young woman’s appearance is constantly being judged and commented on, where being shallow and appearance-obsessed is the stereotype that teenage girls have to contend with, is it any wonder that some of them decide they just aren’t willing or able to compete in that arena?
These kids internalize warped definitions of man and woman and then hate themselves for not living up to those definitions. When someone offers them a way out, a way in which it isn’t their fault that they don’t measure up to the faulty definitions, these kids will take it to relieve their sense of shame over not being “good enough”.
I think that this is the commonality for trans/NB-ID people, in that gay and lesbian sexuality involves stereotyping of gender as the opposite of their sex. And we know that gays and lesbians don't always conform to the opposite sex's gender roles, either. Flaming gays aren't acting like women, they are acting like queens. And that's where much of the confusion comes in for casual observers.
as a bookish “fag” during my youth, I can understand this for sure! Great essay, Mike.
I wonder if I were a teen now they would have steered me into this nonsense? Maybe not because I grew up in Indiana, but social media is dominant even in red states!
Thanks, Brian! I wish I had had more peers like yourself in my small school, I wouldn't have been quite as lonely.
Oh believe me, II can sympathize. I have been a loner my whole life.
i did work in a very strange restaurant (half raging Fundie and half druggie) and that was social. Even today as an adult…